Life Bytes I - time for introspection!!!

Life isn't about slogging your buttout to save those extra million bucks in your bank account. Life isn't about how mechanically you place yourself to those it-has-to happen types ongoings like marriage, children, retirement, pension. Life isn't about just keep wishing and praying nothing bad should happen and not to risk it out at all, keep safeguarding and escapism. 

I wonder how certain people are so paranoid about life that they plan for next Fifty years, chalk it out methodically and live in those four bounded walls strictly adhering to what they want in life...and believe me! it works for them!!!

This scares shit out of me!!! as in being stupid, might be I am a good for nothing, messed up, aimless and I don't have a goal in life...I sometimes end up in those sleepless, wide open eyes thoughts or an idiotic never change look on my face about what am I doing?? Am I just drifting with the wind??Will I ever get that sense to plan, execute, succeed whatever expected out of me by this society in next Fifty years?? Well! I am not sure...

I buck up myself saying life is short term goal-setter, its about live-that-moment decisions, its about the small victories and the small battles you win everyday, its about moving on with other options while you lose one. After all Life isn't that bad!!!

Falling in love, liking, connect, care, relations, kisses, hugs, nonsense talks..silly fights..bitching with family friends, reading good or bad, humming songs in shrieking voice, eating fries, watching movies, drinking coffee at a petty shop, giving a treat for no reason, partying, road trips, heavy petting, shopping on gift coupons etc etc and this list never ends...that's life and I am hopeful...

Shades & Shadow

Ah! Nights are falling fast
I wriggled to fight hell
Phantom beckons to his kingdom
I run away as if its my last!!

Those hands enthral me tight
I beg light to unveil
Wounds grow reddened deeper
I kick my little limbs but frozen

Dark shadows covering dusk
Tears burned in to ashes
Stars lost twinkling spark
Wolves hound waves crashed

I grew big bigger to sky
Shred those spirits halves
Beam of faith warmed my face!
Soldier in me cried out with joy...

Sweet Sugar Pepper'd Salt - A life half way through!

She hoped he will look back but as usual nothing happened. Sometimes she wonders what keeps him going. Is it thirst for money, power, position or just to hang in there, as it is a male chauvinist society??

She came out of the airport lounge after waving a see off to her husband quietly, who was flying to US for few weeks. When she hit the road memories kept gushing and she sighed. 

She is in her Forties now. As everyone says mid life crisis develops at this age and every woman longs for a change, she was also undergoing the same. She was disturbed. She felt some bodily changes. She swore herself to question Lalit, if the same thing happens with men also, when he is back from his trip. 

She threw herself on the sofa of her apartment dropping the carkeys on the glass table and continued her thoughts. She was a regular simple girl with no much future plans, doing her 9-5 job before her marriage. Everything got changed after marriage or atleast she felt so. Twenty long years of marriage life, more and more commitments as the years went by, run after the money, try to prove herself everywhere, amongst all. 

She suddenly felt she was ‘shook by some one’ and had a gulp in her throat. She gasped for the breath and felt the room very warm though it was a winter day. She looked at the wall clock and it was ticking morning 8 o’clock. Her body resisted to get up. 

Did she miss a lot in her life or she lived full?. Turmoil hit her again. Her body ached as she moved over the sofa. She cuddled herself tighly but again she stretched. She twitched her lips. She could hear her heart beating. She knuckled her fingers. She felt restless across her legs. Her stomach was burning. She felt a slight pain in her chest. 

Like hell what is wrong with me today? Why am I wishing there should be some one, some one badly, here, right now? I could speak for hours, I could freak out, do craziest things, I can laugh loud, I can cry out. Is this the change I want? What am I longing for? Am I going into depression? She kept asking herself. She was frozen. Her senses were not working. Now she was not moving an inch. She had a blank expression on her face. She had a dazed look in her eyes which were getting moist. She wanted to cry but tears were not rolling. She was staring at the glass wall without blinking an eye. 

She almost knocked herself on the glass table when the phone rang loudly tearing her thoughts apart. She was startled and trembling out of fear. She slowly raised the phone receiver to her ears and listened. 

’hey girl, up for Shimla trip?’ Kanika’s voice cooed from the other end. Aditi said ‘Yeah’ slowly and smiled feably. She could not concentrate on further conversations. She was not to herself that day. 

ನಿಜವಾದೆನೆ ನಾ ನಿನ್ನೊಳಗೆ?

ನೀ ಅರಳಿದಾಗ ಘಮ್ಮೆಂದ ಮಲ್ಲಿಗೆ
ಸೇವಿಸಿದಷ್ಟೂ ಸುಘ್ರಾಣಿಸಿತು
ಅಧರ ಮಧುರ ಹಿತವಾದ ನಿನ್ನಪ್ಪುಗೆ
ನಿಜವಾದೆನೆ ನಾ ನಿನ್ನೊಳಗೆ?

ನೀ ಮಾಗಿದಾಗ ಕಾಯಾದ ಮೊಗ್ಗು
ಸವಿದಷ್ಟೂ ಹೆಚ್ಚು ಸಿಹಿಯಾಯಿತು
ಮಡಿಲಾದ ಮನಸು ಹಿಡಿಯಾದ ಕನಸು
ನಿಜವಾದೆನೆ ನಾ ನಿನ್ನೊಳಗೆ?

ನೀ ನಲುಗಿದಾಗ ಝಲ್ಲೆಂದೀ ಎದೆ
ಬಿಗಿಯಾದಷ್ಟೂ ಛಳಕ್ಕೆಂದಿತು
ದೂರಾಗುವ ಭಾವ ಕಳೆವೆ ಎಂಬ ಜೀವ
ನಿಜವಾದೆನೆ ನಾ ನಿನ್ನೊಳಗೆ?

ಮುಖಕ್ಕೆ ಚುಮ್ಮಿಡೋ ಹದವಾದ ಗಾಳಿ ನೀನಾಗಬೇಡ
ತನಕ್ಕೆ ತಂಪನ್ನೆರೆಯುವ ಶೀತಲ ನೀರಾಗಬೇಡ
ಅದೇ ಭಕುತಿ ಭಾವ ಅದೇ ಪ್ರೀತಿ ಪ್ರಣಯ ನೀಡು ಸದಾ
ನೀ ನನ್ನ ಸೆಳೆದ ಬರೀ ಕ್ಷಣದಲ್ಲಿ ನಿಜವಾದೆ ನಾ ನಿನ್ನೊಳಗೆ...